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Living in the Past and Present




We all know how is feels to reminisce about the past.  Raking up the fresh fallen fall leaves and jumping in them, playing hide-and-go-seek with the neighborhood friends, sled riding down the biggest hill we could find, and the first love of our lives.  That first look into the other’s eyes told us that we were in love.  “…in the almost passionate quality of her eyes” (2128).  Holding hands while walking in the park or slow dancing at the high school prom, or hearing an old song from the prom that we can remember like it was yesterday, “They had played it at a prom once and because he could not afford the luxury of proms in those days he had stood outside the gymnasium and listened” (2132). We knew that nothing would ever separate us from that love. But what we didn’t realize then was that there would be many more to follow. 

When we come back to reality, the present strikes us.  Then we always ask ourselves the same questions.  Do I have enough money in the bank to pick up my prescription?  Do the kids have enough money in their accounts at school so they can eat?  Am I doing my job right?  Am I going to be one of the ones to get laid-off?  Should I settle for the person I’m seeing right now, or should I continue looking?  Without realizing what is happening, we doubt ourselves every day of our lives. 
F. Scott Fitzgerald’s stories “Winter Dreams” (2127) and “Babylon Revisited” (2143) had the main characters, Dexter and Charlie, answering a lot of questions having to do with their past, present, and future.  But as they both realize, there is nothing you can do about escaping your past.
I think Dexter made his biggest mistake the day he told Mr. Mortimer Jones “I don’t want to caddy anymore”(2128).  If only he would have caddied for Mr. Jones, he may have met Judy Jones a lot sooner and on better terms.  I believe he realized his mistake when he saw Judy Jones out on the golf course…“When Dexter first saw her she was standing by the caddy house”(2128).  He had fallen in love with her right then and there.  After that encounter Dexter became obsessed with Judy Jones. 
When Dexter’s “winter dreams” talked him out of staying in Lake Erminie, he found himself on the east coast of the United States going to school.  He went to a more prominent college than the State University because “he wanted not association with glittering things and glittering people—he wanted the glittering things themselves”(2130).  I think the reason Dexter wanted all these glittering things was to impress Judy Jones with his wealth.  This way she would be more interested in him…and that’s what he was hoping.
When Dexter was twenty-three, he was given a guest card from an elder member of the Lake Erminie Club.  While golfing with some members of the club, he spotted Judy Jones again.  It had been the first time since he had quit the club, some years before, that he had seen her.  He fell in love with her again.  Later on in the evening while quietly lying on a raft in the lake, Judy Jones appeared again, only this time she was in her boat.  She offered him an invitation to dinner the next evening and he graciously accepted. 
When Dexter learned that Judy Jones went for men like fish to water, he made every effort to forget about the love of his life.  After borrowing “a thousand dollars from his college degree and his steady eyes, and bought a partnership in a laundry”(2130).  He did well in the laundry business. “Dexter made a specialty of learning how the English washed fine woolen golf stockings without shrinking them”(2130).  By the time Dexter had reached the age of twenty-seven, he owned five laundries located in different parts of the city outside of Lake Erminie. 
He was so obsessed with Judy Jones that after the eighteen months “it occurred to him that he could not have Judy Jones.  He had to beat this into his mind but he convinced himself at last”(2137).  Dexter tried to get Judy Jones out of his mind by becoming engaged to Irene Scheerer.  “Irene was light haired and sweet and honorable and a little stout and she had two beaus whom she pleasantly relinquished when Dexter formally asked her to marry him”(2137).  
Dexter was starting to feel better with himself until he had gone to the College Club one night and Judy Jones walked in.  All of his withdrawn feelings came back in a heartbeat.  He had taught himself to be “cold” when it came to her until she said, “I wish you’d marry me”(2139). 
Dexter was going to regret, for the rest of his life, his next move.  He broke the engagement off with Irene.  “Nor did it matter that by his yielding he subjected himself to a deeper agony in the end and gave serious hurt to Irene Scheerer and to Irene’s parents who had befriended him.  In his mind and heart he knew he had finally won Judy Jones’ heart.  But it did not happen.  Judy Jones found another man and let go of him like an autumn leaf falling from a tree. 
    With intentions of going east to New York and selling his laundries, he changed his plans because of the U.S. going into WWI.  Instead, he “handed over the management of the business to his partner and went into the first officers’ training camp in late April.  He was one of those young thousands who greeted the war with a certain amount of relief, welcoming the liberation from webs of tangled emotion. 
After returning from the war seven years later, Dexter was called upon by a man from Detroit.  From this gentleman Dexter learned that Judy Jones had married a man and had children.  After finding out that Judy Jones was not the beautiful woman that she once was, Dexter laid “down on his lounge in his office and looked out the window at the New York skyline into which the sun was sinking in dully lovely shades of pink and gold.  The dream was gone.  Something had been taken from him”(2142). 
“Long ago,” he said, “long ago, there was something in me, but now that thing is gone.  Now that thing is gone, that thing is gone.  I cannot cry.  I cannot care.  That thing will come back no more”(2143).  In this statement, I believe that Dexter lost his heart.  I think he was saying that he wasn’t able to care about anyone anymore.  He could not love again because he wasn’t able to win the love of Judy Jones. 
  Charlie had a different past than Dexter.  Charlie was able to win the love of his life, Helen.  With Helen, he had a child, Honoria.  But like all good things, they must to an end and that’s what was happening with Helen and Charlie.  He began drinking badly and they were always fighting.  Helen was being unfaithful, but seemed to be having fun.  Unfortunately, Helen passed away due to heart failure and Charlie was institutionalized for his drinking.  Helen’s sister, Marion, had custody of their daughter and Honoria was a happy nine-year-old child.
It took Charlie almost a year to overcome his dependence on alcohol and his wife’s death.  When he came to Paris, he always made time to see his little Honoria and she was always happy to see him.  She shrieked “Daddy! And flew up, struggling like a fish, into his arms.  She pulled his head around by one ear and set her cheek against his”(2145).
Marion and Lincoln Peters had two children of their own and lived comfortably in their home.  Charlie liked their house.  He knew his daughter was safe from any harm and he couldn’t have asked for anyone else to take better care of Honoria than his brother-in-law and sister-in-law.  But the time had come to have Honoria back with him and he knew he had his work cut out for him, especially because of his past. 
When “going out of the restaurant, a man and a woman unexpectedly hailed him”(2148).  Charlie and Helen had many friends, but one of the couples, Lorraine and Duncan, were still the outgoing partying kind.  They only had each other so they did party quite frequently. 
Charlie had every intention of asking Lincoln and Marion to consider giving custody of Honoria back to him.  When he went to their house one evening, he said, “I suppose you know what I want to see you about—why I really came to Paris”(2149).  He spoke with authority and he was sober, as he had been for over a year.  “I’m awfully anxious to have a home, he continued, and I’m awfully anxious to have Honoria in it”(2149).  Helen wasn’t so anxious about giving up Honoria to a father who had behaved badly in the past.  “When she was dying she asked me to look out for Honoria.  If you hadn’t been in a sanitarium then, it might have helped matters”(2150).  After discussing the issue for a while, Marion got tired of it and said, “Do as you like!  She’s your child.  I’m not the person to stand in your way”(2152). 
Charlie felt like a new person the next morning.  He made plans for his sister to come over from America to take care of the house and he was going to see about a governess for Honoria.  He went over to Lincoln and Marion’s house to get Honoria when the worst thing in the world happened. 
           
The knock at the door came at wrong time.  It was Duncan and Lorraine and they were in high spirits.  They had been drinking and everyone in the household knew it.  They were there to invite Charlie out to dinner even though Charlie had no idea on how they found the house.  Charlie tried politely to tell them no, but Lorraine replied, “All right, we’ll go.  But I remember once when you hammered on my door at four A.M.  I was enough of a good sport to give you a drink”(2155). 
Needless to say, Marion and Lincoln were not pleased with the unexpected guests.  When Charlie called Lincoln the next day, Lincoln said, “I know this thing isn’t altogether your fault, but I can’t have her go to pieces thinking about it.  I’m afraid we’ll have to let it slide for six months; I can’t take the chance of working her up to this state again”(2157).  But Charlie knew one thing for sure after the phone call.  “He was absolutely sure Helen wouldn’t have wanted him to be so alone”(2157).
I think if Fitzgerald had continued with this story, it would have had a happy ending.  Charlie would have gotten his house, his sister, the governess, and most importantly, Honoria.    
Although Dexter and Charlie lived at different times and their predicaments fluctuated, Fitzgerald’s similarities about the two of them were unremarkable.  Considering he wrote “Winter Dreams” in 1922 and “Babylon Revisited” in 1951, the average reader, like me, would have thought the stories were written within a year or two of one another…not 30 years apart.     



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