Beth Keene
Essay #1
7/1/04
I am one person, this much is apparent. With this being said, I don’t feel as though
I am one person. I get the distinct
feeling that I am two people in one body:
a little girl and a grown adult.
I still carry the ability to feel as though I am a child. There are times I am still the little girl
who loved to play with finger paints and molding clay. That same little girl who used to dress up
her youngest brother as a baby and make her other brother playhouse. I took my baby doll clothes and my brother
Nick and I took our new kitty captive in my room. We spent the better part of
an hour dressing him in a blue and white stripped baby doll jumper, only to
have him run off the minute we let him go.
About a week later we found the jumper behind our family room
couch. Apparently he did not feel as
though the stripes were as sliming on him as did Nick and I.
Aside from the little girl, there is the part of me that is
recognized as an adult in the real world.
When I hit 18 years of age, I thought it was cool I could buy cigarettes
(although I will NEVER smoke in my life) and I had the ability to go to adult
dance clubs, but there was still something missing. Then my 21st birthday came
along. I am 21 years of age; this makes
me legal to do anything. Well, almost
everything legally, I still cannot rent a car but I guess that is what makes 25
just so damn special and I have many years before I qualify for Medicare. And of course we must account for all the
things that are illegal to everyone alike.
With becoming an adult, I am now the woman who is expected to budget out
her income for bills, spending money, and food.
Who knew how much someone could possibly spend in one night at a bar or
how much the food you prefer costs. Now
I know why Twinkies and Oreos were special treats when mom brought them home to
us.
What happened to those days?
Mom would give me the two dollars of allowance a week and then I would
spend what little money I had on candy and mom took care of the food on the
table. I miss those days. Not that I am ungrateful for growing up, it
definitely has its perks but a part of me misses the carefree feeling a child
has. The way that when I was 10 years
old I could act like an idiot in public and it did not matter. I still act like an idiot sometimes in
private but that is normally within the company of good friends and they accept
this as a part of whom I am. I know that
eventually I can be that carefree again when I end up having my own
children. I am almost positive that a
main reason people have children is to relive their childhood and act like that
whiny 2 year old, the random 5 year old, and the 10 year old idiot again.
There is nothing that annoys
me more than when individuals act immature in public settings. This can be grown men acting as though they
are still in college, teenagers pitching fits to their parents as though they
have regressed to 4 years of age, or grown women talking baby talk to other adult
peers. An excellent example of this
would be my younger brother by two years.
At the age of 19, he still has the ability to throw first-rate temper
tantrums in private as well as in public settings. It amazes me that the same thing he was doing
to win arguments and fights at the age of 4 still works at 19 years of
age. I am not saying that you are not
allowed to act younger than you are, but there is a place and time for
everything and public displays of immaturity are frowned upon by many people, myself
being one of those individuals. I
understand that me feeling like a child and frowning on individuals who act
like children in public brings about a conflict of interest, but internally I
have come to a compromise. The
compromise is letting the little girl in me survive while still frowning on
those who act immaturely in public settings.
There are aspects in my life
in which the little girl in me is able to come out even though I am older. I still love playing with markers. In fact, I think I am the only 21 year old
who owns two packs of the 50 Crayola markers, colored glue pens, a huge box of
crayons, and colored pencils. Let me
specify where I own these: at college, and
might I add that I also use these quite frequently. I am that girl who still does crafts for fun
in her spare time. I think I am the only
person over the age of 10 who doesn’t teach kindergarten that owns colored
feathers, googly eyes, and stencils. Let
me try to paint a pretty picture for you as to just how extreme I am about
crafting and allowing my inner child out to play at random times. During Thanksgiving one year, my boyfriend at
the time did not attend school with me and in fact would not be coming home for
the holiday. Therefore, I went out and
got construction paper, those great feathers, and eyes. I proceeded to make tracings of my hand out
of brown construction paper, cut them out, put eyes on the thumb part and glue
feathers on the other fingers. I made
him individual turkeys since he would not be able to have turkey for
thanksgiving dinner. Yes, I am aware I
am a geek.
There are times that I cannot be both the little girl and the adult,
this much I know. For one thing, it is
not looked on as the “cool” thing to sit and play with markers, papers, and
scissors in your free time. It is also
hard to let that little girl in me come out when I am in a meeting with
prospective employers, talking with my grandparents, eating dinner with my
parents, or in a classroom setting. I am
not able to whip out my markers and sit in my seat and color while a professor
is lecturing on the importance of the Industrial Revolution on American
history. This is why I have the
knowledge that there is a place and time for acting certain ways. I do not act like a child when I am out in
public, well maybe sometimes I do but those are only the times I have had help
from one of Athens’s many bars. When I
am of sound mind and able to make coherent decisions, I know enough not to act
the part of the little girl when around strangers in a public situation. Acting like the little girl in public
settings around strangers and new acquaintances only gives me funny looks and
no prospects for new friends, which in case you have not guessed, is just not
stellar.
I firmly believe that if you allow the
inner child in you to die, the most carefree and fun loving part of you dies
along with it. There is a natural rhythm
to life and that is one of progressing through the years to grow spiritually,
emotionally, and physically. I believe
that the best people are able to balance the child they once were and the adult
that they become. These people also have
the innate ability to decide when and where to let the different facets shine
through. So next time you are out with
friends and having an intense conversation over employment opportunities and
find yourself later caught in the rain while going home, jump in that puddle,
giggle like a little child, and recognize who you were and how you still
possess that part of you while still marveling on how far you have come in
growing up to the adult you were bound to be.
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