Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, on the planet Zovirax,
there was an evil king, King Syphilis, who was mighty pleased with himself, for
he had just banished all the engineers on the planet to work in the Pixie Stick
Powder mines on the moons of Gluteus. "You see," he told his sycophantic
servants and lackeys, "I have solved two problems with one simple executive
order. I have rid the planet of those annoying, nerdy, know-it-all, engineers."
(King Syphilis was actually quite envious of them, because he went to a Junior
University in Palo Alto, and didn't know very much at all.) "And secondly," he
explained, "I have provided cheap slave labor for the Pixie Stick Powder mines,
thus ensuring a limitless supply of this heavenly confection for all to enjoy."
All of King Syphilis' staff applauded loudly, because he tended to
behead those who didn't. "Bring us intoxicating chemicals, so that we may
celebrate," ordered the king.
"I'm sorry, Mr. King Syphilis," replied the servant. "You banished all
the chemical engineers to the powder mines, so we cannot make the intoxicating
chemicals anymore."
King Syphilis was quite mad. Nobody talked back to him and go away with
it. "Bring me my plutonium phasor gun, so that I may vaporize this impudent
guy," ordered the king.
"I'm sorry, my good King Syphilis," replied another servant. "Since you
deported all the nuclear engineers to the powder mines, we have been unable to
operate the plutonium powered phasor gun."
Now the king was really mad. "I'm really mad!" said the king. "Bring me
my limousine, so that I may repeatedly run over these contumelious servants of
mine."
"No can do, Mr. King," said the third servant, whose part will be played
in the movie version by Keanu Reeves. "All the mechanical engineers are in the
mine place, and everyone knows, you can't drive cars without mechanics."
"Go jump off a bridge!" said King Syphilis. Another of his servants
interrupted, "We have no more bridges, since all the civil engineers have been
exiled to the powder mines. Perhaps we should bring them all back."
But the king was not the brightest of kings, so he didn't agree to that
just yet. "Bring me my vibrating pleasure device, so that I may relax and think
about this dilemma of ours," ordered the king.
"We are unable to do that, my king, because all the electrical engineers
who design the vibrating pleasure devices are in the powder mines."
"Hmmm," thought the king. "Perhaps I was wrong in banishing the
engineers from my planet. Without them, we have no intoxicating chemicals, no
plutonium powered phasor guns, no automobiles, no bridges, and no vibrating
pleasure devices. I will bring them back from the powder mines of Gluteus."
But it was too late, because the engineers so enjoyed having free time
that every last one refused to return, and they were all killed in a freak
mining accident.
So the moral of the story, boys and girls, is that engineers are a very
important part of out everyday lives, and, engineers although smelly and dirty
like pigs in a pig pen, you should not banish them to slave labor camps.
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