Ordinary People by Judith Guest is the story of
a
dysfunctional
family who relate to one another through a series of
extensive defense
mechanisms, i.e. an unconscious process whereby
reality is
distorted to reduce or prevent anxiety.
The book opens
with seventeen
year old Conrad, son of upper middle-class Beth and
Calvin Jarrett,
home after eight months in a psychiatric hospital,
there because he
had attempted suicide by slashing his wrists.
His
mother is a
meticulously orderly person who, Jared, through
projection, feels despises him. She does all the right things;
attending to
Jared's physical needs, keeping a spotless home, plays
golf and bridge
with other women in her social circle, but, in her
own words
"is an emotional cripple".
Jared's father, raised in an
orphanage, seems
anxious to please everyone, a commonplace reaction
of individuals
who, as children, experienced parental indifference
or
inconsistency. Though a successful tax
attorney, he is jumpy
around Conrad,
and, according to his wife, drinks too many
martinis.
Conrad seems consumed with despair. A return to normalcy,
school and
home-life, appear to be more than Conrad can handle.
Chalk-faced,
hair-hacked Conrad seems bent on perpetuating the
family myth that
all is well in the world. His family,
after all,
"are people
of good taste. They do not discuss a
problem in the
face of the
problem. And, besides, there is no
problem." Yet,
there is not one
problem in this family but two - Conrad's suicide
and the death by
drowning of Conrad's older brother, Buck.
Conrad eventually contacts a psychiatrist, Dr.
Berger, because
he feels the
"air is full of flying glass"
and wants to feel in
control. Their
initial sessions together frustrate the psychiatrist
because of
Conrad's inability to express his feelings.
Berger
cajoles him into
expressing his emotions by saying, "That's what
happens when you
bury this junk, kiddo. It keeps
resurfacing.
Won't leave you
alone." Conrad's slow but steady
journey towards
healing seems
partially the result of cathartic revelations which
purge guilt
feelings regarding his brother's death
and his
family's denial
of that death, plus the "love of a good woman.
Jeannine, who
sings soprano to Conrad's tenor..."
There is no doubt that Conrad is consumed with
guilt, "the
feeling one has
when one acts contrary to a role he has assumed
while interacting
with a significant person in his life,"
This
guilt engenders
in Conrad feelings of low self esteem.
Survivors of
horrible tragedies, such as the Holocaust, frequently
express similar
feelings of worthlessness. In his book,
"Against
All Odds",
William Helmreich relates how one survivor articulates a
feeling of
abandonment. "Did I abandon them,
or did they abandon
me?" Conrad expresses a similar thought in
remembering the
sequence of
events when the sailboat they were on turned over.
Buck soothes
Conrad saying, "Okay, okay. They'll
be looking now,
for sure, just
hang on, don't get tired, promise? In
an
imagined
conversation with his dead brother, Conrad asks, "'Man,
why'd you let
go?' 'Because I got tired.' 'The hell!
You never
get tired, not
before me, you don't! You tell me not to
get tired,
you tell me to
hang on, and then you let go!' 'I
couldn't help it.
Well, screw you, then!'" Conrad feels terrible anger with his
brother, but
cannot comfortably express that anger.
His
psychiatrist,
after needling Conrad, asks, "Are you mad?" When
Conrad responds
that he is not mad, the psychiatrist says, "Now
that is a
lie. You are mad as hell." Conrad asserts that,
"When you
let yourself feel, all you feel is lousy." When his
psychiatrist
questions him about his relationship with his mother,
Calvin says,
"My mother and I do not connect.
Why should it bother
me? My mother is a very private
person." This sort of response
is called, in
psychological literature, "rationalization".
We see Conrad's anger and aggression is
displaced, i.e. vented
on another, as when he physically attacked a
schoolmate. Yet, he
also turns his
anger on himself and expresses in extreme and
dangerous
depression and guilt. "Guilt is a
normal emotion felt
by most people,
but among survivors it takes on special meaning.
Most feel guilty
about the death of loved ones whom they feel they
could have, or
should have, saved. Some feel guilty
about
situations in
which they behaved selfishly (Conrad held on to the
boat even after his
brother let go), even if there was no other way
to survive. In answer to a query from his psychiatrist
on when
he last got
really mad, Conrad responds, "When it comes, there's
always too much
of it. I don't know how to handle
it." When
Conrad is finally
able to express his anger, Berger, the
psychiatrist says
to Calvin, "Razoring is anger; self-mutilation is
anger. So this is a good sign; turning his anger
outward at
last."
Because his family, and especially his mother,
frowns upon
public displays
of emotion, Conrad keeps his feelings bottled up,
which further
contributes to depression. Encyclopedia
Britannica,
in explicating
the dynamics of depression states, "Upon close
study, the
attacks on the self are revealed to be unconscious
expressions of
disappointment and anger toward another person, or
even a
circumstance..., deflected from their real direction onto
the self. The aggression, therefore, directed toward
the outside
world is turned
against the self." The article
further asserts
that, "There
are three cardinal psychodynamic considerations in
depression: (1) a
deep sense of loss of what is loved or valued,
which may be a
person, a thing or even liberty; (2) a conflict of
mixed feelings of
love and hatred toward what is loved or highly
valued; (3) a
heightened overcritical concern with the self."
Conrad's parents are also busily engaged in the
business of
denial. Calvin, Conrad's father, says, "Don't
worry. Everything
is all
right. By his own admission, he drinks
too much, "because
drinking
helps..., deadening the pain".
Calvin cannot tolerate
conflict. Things must go smoothly. "Everything is jello and
pudding with you,
Dad." Calvin, the orphan says,
"Grief is ugly.
It is something to be afraid of, to get rid
of". "Safety and
order. Definitely the priorities of his life. He constantly
questions himself
as to whether or not he is a good father.
"What
is fatherhood,
anyway?"
Beth, Conrad's mother, is very self-possessed. She appears
to have a highly
developed super-ego, that part of an individual's
personality which
is "moralistic..., meeting the demands of social
convention, which
can be irrational in requiring certain behaviors
in spite of
reason, convenience and common sense".
She is
furthermore, a
perfectionist. "Everything had to
be perfect, never
mind the
impossible hardship it worked on her, on them all."
Conrad is not
unlike his mother. He is an
overachiever, an "A"
student, on the
swim team and a list-maker. His father
tells the
psychiatrist,
"I see her not being able to forgive him.
For
surviving,
maybe. No, that's not it, for being too
much like
her." A psychoanalyst might call her anal
retentive. Someone
who is
"fixated symbolically in orderliness and a tendency toward
perfectionism". "Excessive self-control, not expressing
feelings, guards
against anxiety by controlling any expression of
emotion and
denying emotional investment in a thing or person.
"She had not
cried at the funeral.... She and Conrad
had been
strong and calm
throughout."
The message of the book is contained in
Berger's glib saying
that,
"People who keep stiff upper lips find that it's damn hard to
smile". We see Conrad moving toward recovery and the
successful
management of his
stage of development, as articulated by Erikson,
"intimacy
vs. isolation". At story end, his
father is more open
with Conrad,
moving closer to him, while his mother goes off on her
own to work out
her issues. Both trying to realize
congruence in
their development
stage (Erikson), "ego integrity vs. despair".
An Introduction to Theories of
Personality, Hergenhahn, B.R.,
Prentice Hall,
New Jersey, 1994, page 60.
Psychology, The Science of Behavior, Carlson,
Neil R., Simon
& Schuster, MA, 1984, page 481.
Ordinary People, Guest, Judith, p. 253
Psychology Today, An Introduction,
Bootzin, R.R., Bower,
G.H., Zajonc, R.B., Random House, NY, 1986, page
464.
Ordinary People, page 4.
ibid, p. 116
ibid, p. 118
Carlson, Neil R., page 393.
Time, July 19, 1976, p.68
Hergenhahn, page 481.
Carlson, Neil R., page 484.
Against All Odds, Helmreich, William B.,
Simon & Schuster,
New York, NY,
1992, p. 134.
Guest, p. 217.
Guest, p. 218.
Guest, page 98.
Guest, page 116.
Guest, page 97.
Bootzin, et. al., page 459.
Bootzin, et al., page 459.
a psych. book, p.
Helmreich, p. 234.
Guest, p. 100.
Guest, page 190.
Encyclopedia Britannica, Vol. 7, p. 269.
ibid, p. 269.
Guest, page 30.
Guest, page 59.
Guest, page 114.
Guest, Page 127.
Guest, page 173.
Guest, page 8.
Guest, page 26.
Bootzin, et. al., pp. 457-460.
Guest, page 89.
Guest, page 147.
Hergenhahn, page 40.
Ibid, page 147.
Guest, page 204.
Guest, page 225.
Bootzin, et. al, page 467.
Ibid, page 467.
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