Tuesday, October
21, 1997
Jason M. Schwefel
Dr. Andrea Musher
Tuesdays and
Thursday 12:30 - 1:45 PM
Literary essay
What We Talk
About When We Talk About Love
By: Raymond
Carver
An excerpt from
Readers Digest August, 1997, submitted to Laughter, the Best Medicine, by Adam
Christing.
A lot of people
wonder how you know if you really in love, says comedian Ronnie Shakes. Just
ask yourself one question: Would I mind being financially ruined by this
person?
If you really
look at this statement, it is invariably the truth. When it comes to love,
money makes no matter, be it past, present or future. Love is love, and nothing
can stand in its way.
In the following pages I will be
discussing Raymond Carvers short story, What We Talk About When We Talk About
Love. It is a story that explores all types of love, jealous, brutal, physical
and spiritual. Written in 1981, it is very contemporary in its style and its
meaning can be applied easily to everyday life.
Only love that is true in your heart is
love, the rest are other emotions sublimated into love. With this in mind, we
should look at people around us, people who are in love. Ask to yourself, Why
are they in love? Then, ask yourself,
How are they in love? It may be surprising, but the answers to these questions
can be surpassingly different. Only when they are the same will the love be
true.
What We Talk About When We Talk About
Love, is set in a house somewhere in Albuquerque NM, some time in the afternoon
or early evening, and going into night. As previously stated, the story was
written in 1981, and it appears to set in the same time. Two couples are
sitting around the kitchen table, drinking gin, and talking, talking about love
and the many forms it takes. Teresa (Terri) gives a detailed description of a
brutal love she had with her ex-boyfriend, and how he beat her. Mel, Terris
husband, gives us his feeling for his ex-wife, and how he loves his kids, that
she has custody of. Jealousy, is the love he has for her, she has his children,
and he wishes her dead, so he could have custody. Finally, the love they all
agree as the universally truest love, the spiritual love, is shown by an
elderly couple involved in a bad accident. Both of them refuse to die, until
they can be assured the other will be all right.
In the very beginning of the story, the
two couples are sitting around drinking and talking. As their conversation goes
on it develops into one of love. This passage marks the first of several types
of love, and gives us an intuitive view into the psyche of Terri.
Then Terri said, He beat me up one night. He
dragged me around the living room by my ankles. He kept saying, I love you, I
love you, you bitch. He went on dragging me around the living room. My head
kept on knocking on things. Terri looked around the table, What do you do with
love like that.
The abusive relationship, is a very
common type of love. This is the love that is primary brought on against women.
They stay in a relationship with a man, even though he constantly beats her.
Some stay out of fear, but many truly love the person and are not masochistic.
The reasons for this are numerous: The woman truly loves the guy, and hopes he
will change. She knows that he loves her and is unable to show it in another
way. The fear of being alone.
All of these are common reason for
tolerating an abusive relationship, and none are bad reasons in themselves, but
when physical violence is coupled with them, a dangerous, and most likely a
repeating, situation is developed. Women who are involved in abusive
relationships, typically are always involved in them, be it emotional, physical
or mental abuse, the cycle continues. Terri, is now involved in another abusive
relationship, not physical, bur mental with Mel.
Jealousy, a feeling so evil two of the Ten
Commandments expressly forbid it. As we look at Mel, a cardiologist, a person
whos job it is to save lives, desires to have his ex-wife dead. Towards the end
of the story Mel gives his feeling on his ex-wife, and his kids.
I think I want to
call my kids, Mel said ... Terri said, What if Majorie answers the phone? You
guys, youve heard us on the subject of Majorie. Itll make you feel even worse.
I dont want to talk to Majorie, Mel said. But I want to talk to my kids....Shes
allergic to bees, Mel said. If Im not praying shell get married again, Im
praying shell get herself stung to death by a swarm of fucking bees.
In these lines, Mel is proclaiming his
love for his children, but at the same time, showing his hate for his ex-wife.
In essence he is contradicting himself. He love his children, but hates half of
what, and who, they are. He has taken his love and sublimated it into hate, a
vicious hate, that he would be willing to kill over. He is jealous of her; she
has control of his kids.
How can children, of a divorced set of
parents, be expected to cope with parents like that, being told to love them,
when they have such a high level of hate between themselves? They are being
told to do one thing, and then they see those who told them to do it, doing the
opposite. How can a parent expect to set a good standard for their children
like that? They cannot, they are teaching it is all right to hate, if you tell
others they are to love.
Approximately two-thirds of the way
through the story, Mel, gives a detailed description of an old couple involved
in an accident. This in itself is not significant, but the portrayal of the
love between the two is. In this story, that Mel is telling, he explains what
kind of love he most desires, a spiritual one.
.. Casts and
bandages, head to foot, the both of them. You know, youve seen it in the
movies. That is just the way they looked, just like in the movies... Well, the
husband was very depressed for the longest while. Even after he found out that
his wife was going to pull through, he was still very depressed... It was
because he couldnt see her through his eyeholes. He said that was what was
making him feel so bad. Can you imagine? Im telling you the man's heart was
breaking because he couldnt turn his goddamn head to see his goddamn wife.
The man could not see his wife, that
was his only concern, was to see her and be assured in his heart that she was
going to all right. That is what love really is. All that matters to him is his
wife, not himself. He may have given up the will to live, inside all of those
bandages, but he kept going, just so he could see her. That is kind of love
that I think anyone would want. That love is an undoing commitment to each
other.
In all people the capacity for that
kind of love exists. It is only realized, if the two people feel that way
towards each other. They would do anything for the other one, even if it meant
death, or hang on to life just a little bit long, to make sure the other was
all right. All that they had to keep them going was love, spiritual love.
As I stated, only love that is true in
your heart is love, the rest are other emotions sublimated into love. Many
people do find this true love and sometimes they are the only one in the
relationship that feels this way. In others, the love felt is true, but fear
may mask what people are actually feeling. If that is the case, the two people
may never find their love for each other. The question to ask oneself, to find
out if one is really in love, is, Will I do anything for this person, even if
it means giving my life to save him/her? If that question is answered yes,
then, in my opinion, the love is true. Look at people who have been married for
a long time, look at the way they look at each other. If they truly love their
partner, it will be seen in their eyes
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